Mona here. |
Hate Mary Sues? I sure do. Miss MSTs on Fanfiction.net? Well, here's a little project I've been working on called "Objection to This Character." The Phoenix Wright cast tackles a blatant Mary Sue character page.
Here we go:
"Objection to This Character"
An original Phoenix Wright MST by Mona
Disclaimer: Phoenix Wright and all associated characters copyright Capcom.
Godot: Nice going, Trite. You pissed off Milton Malice.
Phoenix: This is not my fault.
Franziska: When you are the main character, everything is your fault!
Phoenix: At the risk of sounding like Ron DeLite, stop picking on meeeeee!
Godot: If this is what he does to us, imagine what he’s doing to his daughter.
Phoenix: Marine’s endured this kind of torture on a daily basis. She must have some sort of immunity to it.
Franziska: Why do you care about that simpering daddy’s girl anyway?
Edgeworth: Well, Godot has a thing for cute lady lawyers.
Maya: Godot likes Marine! Godot likes Marine!
Godot: I do not!
Phoenix: Your face is all red.
Godot: It is not!
Maya: It totally is!
Malice: (over the intercom) I'd appreciate it if you didn't refer to my daughter that way.
Phoenix: What do you intend to do with us?
Malice: Not us. Just punish you for interfering in my business.
Franziska: By forcing us to listen to whiny hippie songs?
Malice: Be grateful that I’m only subjecting you to a character sheet from a really bad Mary Sue fanfiction story, not the story itself.
Malice: What's going on? I took three men and two women prisoner, yet I hear three women and two men screaming. What gives?
Phoenix: That's just Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: So what series is this for?
Godot: Disney’s Mighty Ducks. A shameless tie in animated series. Lasted a grand total of twenty six episodes before the network cried “No more!”
Phoenix: More like them trying to relive the glory days of DuckTales and failing miserably.
Franziska: Eh, could be worse. It's a step up from Star Trek: the Animated Series.
Full Name: Calandra Robyn Drakeler
Maya: Cylyndry Rybyn Drykylyr?
Phoenix: Lynyrd Skynard called. They want their gimmick back.
Franziska: Replacing vowels with 'y'. So...yuppie. Right, Miles?
Nicknames: Callie, Cal, Robbie, Callie-locks
Birthdate: April 9th, 2084 (April 14th, 1975 on Earth)
Accent: Russian; sounds like Kath Soucie
Appearance: Calandra is a very beautiful duck,
Phoenix: Ugh, aren’t there any original characters that aren’t “very beautiful”?
Edgeworth: Well, think of the people who create these characters. They’re usually fat, pasty-faced, acne-riddled basement dwelling knuckle-draggers.
Godot: Whatever you say, pretty boy.
even though she usually overshadows her attractiveness. It is said that her back length black hair is the most radiant color upon Puckworld. Radiant and mysterious; like a raven.
Franziska: And yet another fanfiction cliché: naming someone Raven or comparing them to ravens.
Edgeworth: And since when are ravens radiant and mysterious? They’re disgusting.
So when people talk about Calandra’s hair color, they refer to it as ‘raven black’. She rarely lets her hair flow loosely. Most of the time Callie keeps her hair tied in a braid. Her feathers are white, except slightly a shade darker.
Franziska: How can one get ‘slightly a shade’ darker than white? White is the reflection of all colors. It’s either gray, black, or white. And shade means ‘darker’, making ‘slightly a shade darker’ redundant. Tint means lighter. Learn your art nomenclature, you foolish fool who dreams of her foolish character!
Her eyes are a glittering amethyst violet color, with curly and lush eyelashes.
Edgeworth: Elizabeth Taylor is the only one who can get away with violet eyes.
Godot: Talk about violet-eyed cliché.
Edgeworth: Well, Elizabeth Taylor is the most beautiful woman in the world. (Franziska scoffs)
Maya: What? I'm not alluring?
Maya: Nick! Mr. Edgeworth is being mean to me!
Phoenix: What am I supposed to do? You're a big girl.
Her figure is a graceful one, yet with some athletic features within them. She’s slightly curvaceous around the breasts and hips. However, her appearance doesn’t go un-flawed. On her back, from her left shoulder to the right side of her hip, she has a deep scar. She also has a few bluish bruises on her thighs, from years of horse-back riding.
Weapons: Calandra IS a weapon! She was trained in the art of Jao Shan (a mixture of Judo and Tae Kwon Doe) ever since she was four years old, without her family knowing. However, her skills aren’t up to perfection anymore, since it’s been a few years since she last used them. So she has a few weapons to make up for her somewhat-rusty techniques. She uses two laser crossbows, each the size of a nine millimeter automatic, a black bullwhip, and several daggers, appearing to have been made of silver, even though the silver is really steel.
Attire: Calandra loves to wear anything that shows off her attractive figure, yet makes sure that it’s not too revealing. Her fighting attire is a white sleeveless leotard, fitting over the curves of her hips. Her leotard has a zipper, the zipper piece at the tip of her bustline
Maya: Nick, what’s a bustline?
Phoenix: Ask your sister.
the collar flaring our slightly. Laced around her neck is a crystal white diamond necklace, shaped like a heart.
Phoenix: Heart-shaped necklace. As seen on every anime chick ever.
In the center of her necklace is a smaller heart-shaped ruby, in the center.
Maya: Paging the Repeating Police!
On each arm, Calandra has a golden arm band, a silver elbow pad, and a brown leather glove. Her arm bands holdup to any number of knives, from two to eight.
Godot: Are you hoping what I’m hoping?
Franziska: That she slides a knife in too deep and slices open her brachial artery, causing her to bleed to death?
Godot: The kitten read my mind.
Franziska: Don’t call me kitten. (whip!)
Depends on the desperation of the situation. Her left elbow pad has spikes connected on them, for shedding blood when Callie jabs them with her left elbow. Her gloves both have rectangular patches on them, showing some of her feathers. Her right glove has metallic knuckles, with a communicator
Edgeworth: Who’d want to communicate with her?!
built upon her right wrist. Her left glove has a thin, golden wrist band. Underneath her leotard, Callie wears bright violet tight pants, with a light green army pattern. Her brown utility belt, with the yellow buckle, holds a harasett on each side of her, holding her crossbows. On the front, side, and back of her harasetts, more over her knives are stored. Cal also wears dark purple knee pads like Mallory’s, with a dark green diamond in the center of each one. She also wears white boots with silver accents; her left boot holds one last dagger.
For everyday wear, Calandra would usually wear black jean style leather pants and a white sleeveless turtleneck. Or a purple waist skirt with small slits at the side, a white sleeveless lace tee, with beige colored stalkings and black heeless shoes. She also leaves her hair down and wears a bit of make-up here and there.
Personality: Calandra is the ULTIMATE adventuress! She’s one of those headstrong, audacious, vixen-like women. She THRIVES on adventure and danger! She also knows a lot about mythology and all types of exotic artifacts. She also has the heart of a thief and pirate.
Phoenix: Thief and pirate? Those aren’t exactly great qualities.
Think of Calandra as a mixture of Carmen SanDiego and Indiana Jones.
Phoenix, Godot, Edgeworth: (gasp!)
Franziska: What is it? Besides the obvious?
Phoenix: (sniff!) Nobody drags Indiana Jones’ name through the mud like that.
Godot: How dare she!
Maya: Who’s going to defend poor Carmen Sandiego? (sniff) I loved those games…
She’s also a pure feminist. Doesn’t like being called certain names. She does have a soft side, a bit of a romantic. But she does have a violent side of her, which is displays in combat. She also has a passion for daggers and horses.
History: Calandra Drakeler is the daughter of Joseph Michele Drakeler and Juletta Ariel Diamondfeathers Drakeler. Her father was once a champion horseback rider and a master fencer, the strongest one in Puckworld. Her mother was a golden haired beauty from Franzilian, men desperately in love with Juletta after first glance. After winning his 20th match, Joseph and his family were invited to dine at the Diamondfeather Mansion for a banquet. Joseph used to have a habit with sniffing up the skirts of a female. During the festivity, Joseph decided to be naughty and looked up the skirts of one of the female guests. While a golden haired female duck was gossiping with the other guests, Joseph ducked under wards. Making sure no one would see him, he looked underneath the blonde’s white dress. The blond felt something was wrong, and when she looked down, she saw Joseph and shrieked. Instead of apologizing, Joseph only smirked and playfully slapped the girl’s butt. Little did he know that the woman who’s skirts
Edgeworth: I see she failed her grammar classes.
Franziska: What makes you think she was ever in school?
he sniffed was the host’s daughter, Juletta Diamondfeathers. After being introduced to her few minutes after their previous ‘meeting’, Joseph’s feathers went pale, and Juletta was mortified and hypersensitive
Franziska: Hypersensitive? A slap in the face would suffice.
by his libidinous behavior towards her. For the first few weeks that Joseph was in Franzilian, Juletta was cold towards him, refusing to be near him as much as possible. It took Joseph much patience, nearly four months, and many flowers, but eventually he won Juletta’s heart. They fell passionately in love with each other and married as soon as they could.
The Drakelers lived in Moscalovsan, Unistan (just think of Moscow,Russia). They were the richest family in all of Puckworld. Their home, Drakeler Manor, existed upon the Unistan cliff. The Manor had existed for nearly 900 years. So not only was it ancient and had a fascinating history, Drakeler Manor was also luxurious. Calandra is the youngest of ten children, having nine older brothers. Many would consider Calandra to be a spoiled brat, since everything is handed to her upon a silver plate. She would automatically give up that luxurious life of being waited on hand and foot, without a second thought, for one thing: freedom.
Franziska: Her and every RPG princess.
Calandra was a very restless young girl, wanting to do more than learn the ways of an aristocratic lady. At around four, she left Drakeler Manor. She wasn’t running away, though; she wanted to explore her home country. After exploring the candy shops, the toy stores, and everything else in the market places along Moscalovsan, she stumbled upon a martial arts studio: The Spirit of Fire. Curious on what the label meant, Callie entered the building to explore. There, she saw many young men, some as old as seventeen, practicing the art of Jao Shan. She was slightly disappointed that there were only a handful of females in the classroom. The teacher, Master Spiritwing, an old duck, about nearly eighty, noticed Callie watching the students training. Curious on why a four year old would be in a dojo all by herself, he seem to have caught Callie’s attention. He also noticed that she was very interested in trying to beat up one of his students with the techniques one of them used.
Edgeworth: We’re supposed to believe that she can learn techniques just by watching them? Who is she? Monica from Heroes?
Franziska: Hmm…I wondered why you never pick up your phone on Monday nights…
The master allowed her for that one time, thinking that it wouldn’t do any harm to give a child a shot. Being a fast learner, Calandra was able to hit one of the brown belts hard in the gut, knocking him overwith a body slam when he doubled over.
Phoenix: OBJECTION! It’s physically impossible for a little kid to knock over a brown belt with a body slam!
Godot: I don’t know. Grossberg might have been able to. Through sheer force of bulk.
Maya: Was he a fat kid?
Godot: Well, let me put it this way. His birthday is September 4th, 5th, and 6th.
The teacher was very impressed,knowing that not many girls that young are capable of being able to generate that type of strength.. He then decided to give Calandra lessons, hoping to harness her skills. From then on, Calandra was a student of the martial arts Jao Shan. Calandra was also a student at Mrs. St. Quacklanson’s Finishing School for Girls. She was taught everything a student should learn: math, science, history, etc. But at this finishing school, she was also taught how to serve tea, how to sew, acroetics (amixture of acrobatics, ballet, and gymnastics), music, and horse-backriding. She didn’t mind the music lessons much; Callie was an amazing and gifted violinist. And the horse-back riding she loved, as long as she wasn’t forced to ride side saddled. But everything else she HATED. There were too many rules about proper behavior for a lady. So many that it drove Calandra insane to follow them.
At the age of six, Callie was wondering down the marble halls of the mansion, when she caught her father placing his old fencing sword against the walls. Cal had ALWAYS wanted to learn how to sword fight, but her father refused to teach her. Her mother forbade the lessons, and Joseph was afraid of her scaring her beautiful and innocent face.
Phoenix: “Scaring”? As in fright?
Edgeworth: I think she means “scarring.”
Calandra didn’t dare go against her father’s word, for his punishments on disobeying him WERE severe.
Franziska: What, a spanking? “Spare the barbed whip, spoil the child”, I always say.
Godot: Some mother you'd make.
After gazing at his sword for a few minutes, she saw an old miniature crossbow. She found the crossbow more to her liking than a fencing sword, seeing it was faster and could be used from a long distance. So she then taught herself on how to use the crossbow.
When Calandra was about eight years old, she discovered an old secret about Joshua Blazefeather, the Drakeler’s chef. Joshua had yellow feathers and gray streaked silver hair.
Phoenix: Was this person trying to fill some sort of word quota? I can’t see why she’d include that physical description.
After sneaking back from a martial arts lesson, she caught Blazefeather throwing a type of meat up into the air, and tossing knives into them,pinning them against a wall. When he cracked a bullwhip back, obviously preparing to whisk the knives away, the tip of the bullwhip cracked upon the top of Calandra’s beak. He quickly apologized over and over when he heard Callie’s scream, but she already forgave him, knowing that it was an accident.
It was then that Callie learned that Joshua Blazefeather was once known as Josh the Heroic, a member of the Unistan Harlequinsters; the Russian circus of Puckworld. He was the top knife tosser and lion tamer in the circus, an ace with the bullwhip. However, the circus lost its business, due to financial problems. After a few days of looking through the paper, Callie’s father offered him a job a their personal chef. He quickly took the job, since he was a great cook and desperate for work. Calandra was eye-wide and hanging onto every word of Joshua’s story, since she loved the circus and their talents. Seeing the interest in her violet eyes, Joshua decided to give Calandra lessons on using the bullwhip and knife.
Josh decided to teach Calandra the bullwhip first, since the art of knife throwing was much more advanced and she was so young.
Phoenix: Which is an excellent thing to teach your boss’ daughter…how did this guy not get fired?
Calandra had a hard time learning the basics first, since she was so tiny. But after two months, she was finally able to tackle the more advanced tricks. When she became ten, Josh had enough confidence in Calandra to teach her the art of dagger throwing. He had to go very slowly, since she was a young child. But every week, he’d increase the speed by a notch or two. By the time Callie was thirteen, she could throw knives more swiftly and gracefully than any other knife thrower on the face of Puckworld.
Of course, Joshua could still out do her, even if he was blindfolded, but Calandra knew that there would always be someone better than her. However, she didn’t know that she would need her new training so soon.
When Calandra was fourteen, her father donated the Drakeler Diamond,the most prized jewel of the Drakeler family since the time of Drake DuCaine, to the Puckworld Museum of Historical Jewels. Callie protested against the very act, since there was the risk of the jewel being stolen. The historians and guards assured the Drakelers that the jewel would be protected by their newest security system and themselves, of course. Calandra didn’t believe that they’d be able to protect her family’s sacred jewel against Duke L’Orange and Ernie Falcone,
Maya: Finally! Some canon characters!
Franziska: Naïve child. They won’t be the canon characters you like. They will be twisted, unrecognizable versions of your beloved favorites.
Phoenix: Thought you only cared for the Steel Samurai series.
Maya: I watch cartoons, too, Nick. And there’s a character in this show who’s sort of a samurai and one who’s sort of a Zen Buddhist and one who’s sort of an Evil Magistrate…
the two greatest thieves in all of Puckworld. So she then decided to take matters into her own hands and try to stop the thieves herself.
On that night, dressed in black leather from head to toe, Calandra setted of towards the museum. Dodging guards and security beams from left to right, she stumbled upon the room where the jewel was kept. After waiting for half an hour, she spied Duke and Falcone attempting to steal the diamond. After waiting for the right moment, Calandra threw an object onto Duke’s wrist, badly bruising it.
Maya: I didn't know Duke bruised easily.
Phoenix: Like an overripe peach.
Franziska: Hemophiliac, perhaps?
When she tried to flip over and apprehend the two crooks, the rope cracked and she fell flat on her butt right in front of the two. At first, Duke had the upper hand,since he was older and stronger than her. But Calandra was able to outsmart him because of the size of his ego. After trapping Falcone and Duke in a candelabrum, Callie prepared to make her grand escape. Unfortunately, the two thieves were able to breakout of their corona prison and escape before the cops could find the two.
Callie was trapped inside the museum with guards at every door,so she decided to wait until the crowd died down. Unfortunately, Falcone was the first to find her and attempted to murder her. Luckily, Joshua’s lessons paid off well, and she was able to tie Falcone up tight like a Christmas goose.
Maya: Nick, what happened to 'suspension of disbelief'?
Phoenix: Out the window.
She then attempted to try and do the same to Duke. But Duke wouldn’t be fooled so easily by someone much younger than him. Before she could react, Duke pinned her against the wall. Callie expected Duke to try to kill her, but instead he KISSED her. Calandra was surprised by this reaction; she even tried to fight it. But Duke’s charms were impossible to resist, even for her. So instead of resisting, she decided to turn the tables and use that moment to HER advantage. She pretended that she wanted Duke to make love to her right at that moment. He even gave Calandra a chance to be let into the Brotherhood of the Blade, the ring of thieves he was to lead in the future. Instead of taking the job, Callie raised a knife into the air and jammed it at Duke. She attempted to murder him right then and there, but instead she cut his right eye out. Since then, the two became enemies, vowing to destroy each other, one way or another.
Calandra tried to continue on with her life, but still felt a strange surge of emotion for Duke. Either love, or a remarkably strong lust towards the ruggedly handsome thief. Only three people knew about Calandra’s meeting with Duke: Joshua, her mom’s handmaid Isa, and one of her earlier brothers, Slayde, who she could trust with secrets. When Calandra was nearly eighteen, she then found out that she was to be married to Kirtland Quackson, the son of Carlton Quackson, mayor of Moscalovsan. Calandra refused to be married to a man like Kirtland, for she knew that there were only two reasons why he wanted to marry her: her father’s vast fortune, and her beauty. Callie knew that the Quacksons had a bitter reputation with the women; always had a passion for wine, women, and song
Godot: “Who loves not women, wine and song remains a fool his whole life long."
However, her refusal for the marriage was denied. Her father and Kirtland’s father signed a contract to seal the marriage. Calandra knew then that the only way to escape the arranged wedding was to leave Drakeler Manor and all of Unistan for good. But she had to find a way to make sure that the others wouldn’t track her down. After a good amount of thinking, she decided to fake her death to keep the others from pursuing her. So the night before the wedding, Calandra poured fake blood all over a fake manican dummy that looked everything like her
Maya: What’s a manican?
Franziska: Fitting she chose a dummy.
Edgeworth: Fake blood on a dummy. Not even Gumshoe’s dumb enough to fall for that!
and stuck a knife into her. She then ran away from her home on her pet horse.
Since then, Calandra became a free women. To keep people from noticing her, she dyed her hair pink and changed her name to Felisha DeMalard. She then needed to look for work. Callie, aka, Felisha,tried to enter the life of a race jockey, since she knew nearly everything about horses and was a great horse-back rider. However,all the jobs were taken. There were no work for horses anymore,on the count that all the positions had been filled. Callie was in despair, until she learnd that P.W.S.F.(Puckworld Special Forces) needed new recruits. Since that was the only job available, and she was a pretty good fighter, Callie immediately joined.
After she joined the military, Callie met Mallory McMallard,P.W.S.F’s Flight Commander. They became fast friends, both having the same love for fighting. Calandra kept feeling a ping of guilt, never telling Mallory her REAL name. Little did she know the opportunity would come when she least expected it.
Half a year after Callie joined the army, the Brotherhood of the Blade struck again. Calandra and Mallory were on late night duty then, when they saw two men sneaking out of the missile base. It was then that Calandra knew their identities: Ernie Falcone and Duke L’Orange. They managed to chase them down to an old factory that made carbonated acid for their peacemaker missiles.
Phoenix: Peacemaker missiles? Am I missing something here?
Edgeworth: Is that like military intelligence?
The acid was harmless if you stayed in there for no more thanten minutes. Any longer and your skin would start to burn.
Phoenix: I wasn’t aware acids had time limits.
When Calandra tried to capture Duke, he threw her down into the tank of the freezing carbonated acid. Mallory had a choice then: to throw the two in custody, or rescue her friend and partner. Making a hasty decision, Mallory dove down into the tank of acid and pulled Calandra out of the container. However, the acid removed the pink dye in Callie’s hair, and her true form was revealed.
Phoenix: I've never heard of a hair dye that can be removed with acid. And I know hair care products.
Franziska: If her hair is black, it'd be impossible to dye pink. Unless she bleached it first, but then it'd turn a weird color.
Maya: I've always wanted to dye my hair neon green.
Admiral Featherson, the one in charge of P.W.S.F., was furious. Not because of the escape of Duke and Falcone, but because one of his top recruits, Felisha DeMalard, was actually Calandra Drakeler. He was about to kick her out of the military, when Mallory backed her up, defending her. Admiral Featherson had to admit that Calandra was one of the best recruits he hired, and he couldn’t kick her out for all the loyal service she put in. So instead of firing Calandra, he just demoted her from Lutenit to Sergeant, Second Class. It was then that Callie confessed the truth to Mallory, not leaving out a single detail. Instead of blowing up like a raging volcano, Mallory was calm about the entire ordeal. When Calandra was twenty, the Saurian Invasion hit.
Phoenix: Is that like the British invasion?
Maya: This is more like the brutish invasion.
During the Invasion of the Saurian Empire, Calandra served as a spy for the Resistance, once again using her alias, FelishaDeMalard. Before Canard, leader of the Strike Force, was going to attack Draguanus’s Headquarters, Calandra’s last mission was to blow up the prison camp her Icecanstovan, another Russian city in Puckworld. There, she met her father, who was very sick from the lack of fresh food, pure air, back-breaking labor, and severe beatings.
Franziska: How did he go from living in a mansion to being in a Gulag-style camp?
Godot: Well, he was rich, so...tax evasion.
Callie tried to help her dad out of there, but he kept telling her to leave him behind; he said he had nothing left to live for. When they were halfway down the secret escape tunnel, the two had an encounter with Kirtland Quackson. In distracting him with a broken wall above his head,Callie was able to get her father away from the dungeon. However, Lucretia DeCoy
Edgeworth: Um, who's Lucretia DeCoy, when was she introduced, and what relevance does this new character have?
Phoenix: Can you imagine the riots that would result if someone introduced an unnecessary character into our video game series?
Phoenix: What? Something on my face?
struck a knife into his back, shedding much blood from his body. It was then that Joseph Drakeler discovered that his daughter wasn’t dead on the night before her wedding; she was right before him. Before Joseph died, he told Callie that her mother was killed by the Saurians, five of her nine older brothers were dead from assasination from her ex-fiance, and told Calandra to make Draguanus pay.
Maya: Draguanus? Is this the twin of Dragaunus, the main villain of the series?
Then Joseph died, in his own pool of blood. After shedding many tears and escaping the blown up dungeon, Calandra vowed to her father to make the Empire pay for murdering her family.
However, Canard denied Callie’s with to join them in the mission against Draguanus’ Headquarters. He said that she didn’t need to do anymore for them; that she did MORE than her duty. But the REAL reason, one he refused to admit out loud,was because he was afraid that if she encountered Draguanus, her emotions would cloud her judgement. Even though he understood the rage she felt with the Empire, since he gave the orders to murder her parents and five of her nine older brothers, Canard was still afraid that Calandra would sacrifice the safety of the mission and her comrads to avenge her family. So she stayed on Puckworld, helping to rebuild the cities, destroy remaining torture camps, and kill any remaining people that worked for the Saurians or were the Saurians themselves.
Phoenix: Ah, ethnic cleansing. Lovely.
Edgeworth: Slobodan Milosevic would be proud.
Three years after the Resistanceleft, the remaining few of P.W.S.F.’s soldiers tracked down the Resistance. However, no one would volunteer to go and retrieve them, until Calandra bravely volunteered herself into going. After being warped from Puckworld to Earth, Callie heard screaming and gun blasts at a nearby bank. After examining it, she realized that a civil war was breaking out in there, and that a little boy was right in it.
Maya: Civil war?
Phoenix: In a bank?
Edgeworth: Sometimes I’ve just got to say “what the fudge”?
Godot: I’d use a stronger expletive.
Franziska: Malice, you (bleep!)ing piece of (bleep!)
Phoenix: (covers Maya’s ears)
IF she had waited a few more seconds to invade, the boy would’ve died right then and there. The ducks were surprised to meet her, Duke the most.
Godot: What? No explanation for the so-called ‘Civil War’?
Phoenix: She probably just walked in on one of those Civil War reenactments.
In fact, he wished deep down that she was dead....somewhat deep down, that is. However, their grudge and hatred against each other only lasted for a day. On a mission on an old abandoned volcano island,the ducks splitted up into groups; Duke with Calandra.
Godot: You can tell she's rushing this to get to the obligatory steamy love scene.
Edgeworth: Do you have to remind us?
There they discovered Draguanus mining for Balirium Crystals in the old volcano. Callie distracted the Saurians and Hunter Drones while Duke destroyed the Balirium Crystal supply.
Maya: Belirium crystals? They're not found on Earth...
Phoenix: I believe Star Trek was the first to make a fake element.
The Saurians Wraith, Seige, and Chameleon were defeated, and Duke and Callie surrounded the two. Before the three made their escape, Chameleon blasted a hole underneath Callie’s feet, nearly having her fall into the lava pit. However, Duke managed to grab her wrist just in time. When he pulled her body out of the gun-made pit,she fell into his arms. Then, their true emotions came out, and the two fell passionately in love.
Godot: Told you.
Good Points: Callie is one of the toughest female fighters, next to Mallory. Even though her fighting skills aren’t perfect, they’re good enough. Her adventuress nature makes her brave, the one anyone would be willing to hire for a mission where the chances of surviving were nil.
Franziska: Brave? (scoff) More like idiotic.
Edgeworth: That shouldn't surprise you.
She’s the only one of the ducks who has talentin the art of dagger throwing and the bullwhip. Since she was involved in acroetics, she’s agile and graceful in her martial arts. She’s also a tough notch hockey and ice-skater. Some of her acroetics she practices on the ice, equivalent to any professional figure skater. However, she only figure skates to keep up her agility and gracefulness in fighting. She’s also a talented violinist and horse-back rider, being blessed with ‘Ksd Vnmyezgdmvdnye Snrsds’, which’s Russian for ‘The Confidence of Horses’; the ability to speak and communicate with horses.
Edgeworth: Isn't that more like 'horse whispering'?
Franziska: Is this some kind of new Russian where the characters are Roman and not Cyrillic?
Bad Points: Callie’s adventurous personality always lands her into hot water. She usually has doubts about her abilities, always thinking that they need much more improvement and that she could never be as good as someone else who shows more talent. She’s also a raging feminist; she’ll beat up ANYONE who dares to call her babe,baby, doll, chick, sugar, girly-girl, toots, hotty, or anything related to those mentioned earlier. She’s also too much of a romantic; usually wishes that her life would be the same as the character in the latest romance novel she’s read.
Pets: On Puckworld, Calandra had an Arabian Stallion named Spirit. On Earth, she has a female Himilanx (cross between a Himilyan and a Manx) cat with a diamond and sapphie collar named Jewelina, a reunion gift from her older brother, Slayde (from Clash of Flame; coming soon)
Likes: Duke, daggers,horses, romance novels, anything chocolate, cherries, grapes, felines, martial arts, hockey, ice-skating, family, music, shopping, fashionable clothes, and the violin.
Hates: Kirtland Quackson,the Saurains, Phil, Kleeghorn, people that slay horses, whores,sluts,
Franziska: Hates sluts, huh? Hypocrite.
Edgeworth: Don't forget toady and inebriate.
Godot: Especially inebriate. A sober person couldn't do something this bad.
murderers, men that abuse women, death, crime, rapists, egoists, tricksters, the wealthy life, not being allowed to make her own decisions and choose her own life, bounty hunters, mercenaries,and people that hurt the innocent.
Other: Currently Duke and Calandra have been having an affair. Even though everyone in Anaheim knows that they’re dating, they don’t know that they’ve been sleeping together.
Franziska: Isn't “sleeping together” the definition of having an affair?
And although Calandra is Russian, she can also speak French.
ExCUSE me?! Didyou just call me BABY?!
Are you saying....that my father....and yours...want us BOTH...to MARRY?!
Moi amour vous, Duke....(I love you, Duke...; translated from French)
Phoenix: Something tells me this French is grammatically incorrect, but I can't be sure. I don't know Jacques about French.
Edgeworth: She doesn't either.
Tvz bootsdag! Shsvntskg tvz!( You butthead! How could you!; translated from Russian)
~Said of Her~
Kirtland: You are a good liar, ma sharie.
Duke: You’re so ravishing, Calandra. It’s so...overpowering.
Joseph: Calandra,my angel. You look beautiful tonight...
Godot: Even Marine's creepy father never talks like that.
Franziska: Incestuous relationship? Just when I thought this couldn't get any more sickening.
Phoenix: Where's the nearest bathroom?
Songs of Her:
‘Dreamlover’ Mariah Carey
‘Take My Chances’ Mary Chapin Carpenter
‘One Way Ticket(Because I Can)’ LeAnn Rimes
‘No Scrubs’ TLC
‘Reflection’ Christina Augliera
‘You Can Still Be Free’ Savage Garden
‘These Boots are Made For Walking’ Nancy Sinatra
‘What’s Love Got To Do With It’ Tina Turner(?)
‘I Have Always Loved You’ Enrique Iglesias(Duke’s emotions towards Calandra when he was younger)
‘Livin La Vida Loca’ Ricky Martin
‘Could I Have This Kiss Forever’ Enrique Iglesias and Whitney Houston (Her emotions towards Duke, and vice versa)
Franziska: Not a good song among them.
Write up by Calandra, pic by ~, Character,Story, Ideas © To Calandra Nothing may
be taken, reproduced, or otherwise mangled without permission.
Phoenix: At least we're all safe. The ordeal is over.
Maya: But none of us will ever be quite the same again.
Phoenix: You're right. Once you've read it, you can't unread it.